The Next Web’s “Alex” is Not Happy, Apparently. Also, I’m an Idiot.

Awesome. As a totally unprofessional, worthless, amateur blogger, this is the stuff I live for.

I wrote this article earlier this morning because I wanted to call out The Next Web for engaging in astoundingly bad journalism.

I then decided to let Alex Wilhem know (via Twitter) that I’d taken his content to task for being, well, pretty weak.

He’s obviously a bit…pissed…that I dropped the f-bomb a few times, or maybe just that I pulled no punches in my disdain for the content he’d posted, or maybe it was the “dork” comment. 

So: I’m sorry that I referred to people who follow the ebook market and who would be stunned by sales data as “fucking dorks” but c’mon: It’s not untrue, is it? I mean, I have very little doubt that most would say the same thing about someone who would, over a period of weeks, go out of his way to create a comprehensive infographic/timeline of the “Gizmodo stolen iPhone 4 prototype” saga.

Yo.

No need to be so sensitive, guy. I wasn’t referring to “you”. I was referring to fucking dorks generally.

At any rate, Alex says:

Now, you will note that the guy, I don’t remember his name nor do I care enough to go look it up, says that Jobs “did not make that claim [the 22% number].” He is almost half right, Steve actually did something far more insidious, and far more Apple.

Aw, Alex. It’s starting to hurt. I’m horrible with names, but I’m not really having any trouble remembering yours. (Probably because you’re a famous writer.) I’m just going to assume that you’re pretending to not remember my name, because It’ll make me feel a little bit better about myself.

Insidious? Do tell.

The naivete here is so thick it looks like the buttered bread of a fat fuck.

Huh? What the fuck does that even mean?

This is what Jobs actually did. First he launched iBooks and sold a good number of books out of the gate to curious new iPad owners. Then, to spin the numbers as hard as he could, he half lied. The slide is damn specific: we own 22% of eBooks sales. But while that slide was up, Steve went droning on about what he actually meant, only 22% of books from certain publishers, etc, etc. 

Ugh. That’s just terribly insidious, Alex. But, as with much of what you’ve written today, it’s also not very accurate. Here’s how these events work—especially Apple events—due to the fact that the first responders are live-bloggers who furiously pound out a paraphrased version of what they’re seeing in real time:

Steve Jobs gets on stage. Bloggers begin typing as Steve Jobs talks. Steve Jobs presents slides which are basically bullet point versions of what he’s talking about. Bloggers go with the bullet points, because they know that the faster they type, the more hits they’ll get before the mainstream outlets (and later, their own writers) get a chance to parse what was actually said on stage, via the full transcript, and do some actual in depth reporting. Plus, it’s just easier to keep up that way.

Now, you say “droning on” but the undeniable fact is this: Steve Jobs provided one sentence of context (I even emphasized it for you) which spelled out exactly what he meant. There was nothing confusing or ambiguous about it. It’s worth pointing out…again…that the article YOU chose to back up your point was written specifically to address this issue. I’m still not quite sure how you missed that, or why you used it as your example.

Classic Apple. Make a huge claim that will be headline fodder, and then hide in the small print that really covers their asses legally.

Now you’re just talking shit, Alex. In this instance the “claim” is what Steve Jobs actually said: The words that came out of his mouth. The “small print” is the (admittedly) incorrect bullet point on a slide. If journalists and bloggers reported the bullet point rather than the claim, that’s their fucking problem but, frankly, it’s not all that surprising. 

Of course, I would be an idiot if I didn’t point out that Alex (as he admits) utilized what he refers to as a “classic Apple” move: He juiced his headline, based on flimsy evidence, knowing full well that it’s the bit that other outlets would feature. He made a broad claim, based on anecdotal evidence, and expected other people to sort out the details. And now he’s upset that someone did.

You are an apparent idiot, guy, just so you know. Konrath has sold hundreds of thousands of paperback books via a large publishing house. You missed the *whole* fucking point. Konrath has taken the eBook side of his writing career into his own hands, so he has all the fucking numbers for THIRTY EIGHT books in Kindle, iBooks etc and is willing to share. 

Ouch. Wait. How did I miss the point, again? The point is pretty simple and rather hard to miss: Steve Jobs reported a figure based on the representations of five major publishers, reflecting ebook sales of their books via the iBookstore. Alex trotted out a single guy who—correct me if I’m wrong—self publishes to the iBookstore. So, beyond being anecdotal, his experience isn’t even particular relevant, given that sales of his ebooks wouldn’t have figured into the sales numbers that were reported by Steve Jobs.

Phew. Do I need to repeat that?

Again, this guy is an idiot. It has been obvious that the Kindle is doing fine? Oh look, I did a quick Google search and found just a few different articles here in a row that claim that iPad will kill Kindle.

Alex linked to five articles. Two of the links point to the same article. One of links is a speculative post about how the iPad “could” kill the Kindle. Alex is right that at least one is a sensationalist blog post that was (I believe) written before the iPad shipped.

I’m still not all that impressed that Alex came to the common sense conclusion that the iPad wasn’t going to kill the Kindle, even if he remains determined to pat himself on the back:

I am one of the few people in tech who has thought since day one that the Kindle was going to win.

Win? I doubt anyone is going to win outright. Or, put another way, I believe the Kindle can and will continue to do just fine, but that won’t mean the iPad has to lose. I don’t think this is a win/lose scenario. 

Still, several of the linked articles weren’t wrong. A couple noted the high price of the Kindle as a weakness and—as any fucking dork who follows the ebook market would know—the Kindle got a whole helluva lot cheaper last month. Right? Right.

Does anyone think that’s a coincidence? 

At any rate, Alex, you surmise that my first post was written in a fit of boredom or unemployment. 

Boredom is debatable. I can assure you, though, that I’m gainfully employed and—I hope—much better at my job than you seem to be at yours. Bored or not, I wrote my article because people who are paid to produce content ought to take their jobs more seriously than those who are not. 

I think my favorite part of this little back and forth is being called out for not having an audience…by a blogger. This guy is at the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to be taken seriously and yet, he finds a way to feel more important than someone like me. Typical. 

Alex is a dime a dozen. There are hundreds of people who could step in and do his job at a moment’s notice and I have no doubt in my mind that I could do it better, given the opportunity.

Meanwhile, his gracious link/retort has brought me fewer than ten page views.

Thanks for sharing your audience, Alex.

UPDATE

As it turns out, I didn’t get a single page view from Alex. Jeez. Popularity is overrated.